Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect 200 Dollars....

See the broken piggy bank? This is the current state of my finances...although I actually think the change around the piggy bank amount to waaaaay more than I have in my bank account. I'm not the sort to place to much stock in money. 

I know I'll never be rich and I'm ok with that, I mean I want to be an elementary school teacher....I'll never make a lot. I'm not sure I'd want to be rich. I'm perfectly content earning enough to keep myself in the lovely middle class. A roof over my head, food, and some creature comforts. I've never been any good at managing my money. Obviously. This is why I'm currently...sigh...broke. I'm keeping it together fairly well I think. However, to be utterly honest my usual "let's look at the bright side" attitude is starting to wan.  I don't like to comment on how bad it's getting because it's all my fault. That and I don't want to worry anyone. In addition, it's a little embarrassing.  Why mention it on here? Well the beauty of having a blog is that everyone and their Mom has a blog. Which in a way provides a certain blanket of invisibility (heh, HP reference). No one reads blogs unless it's mention on MTV, or some other popular media. There's a certain freedom, an allowance in admitting the source of my current anxiety via blog. Maybe this is why I can't sleep...I'm always working to making nothing. I'm behind important payments. An option is to take on a third job, the idea makes me a little emotionally uneasy. I'm not sure I could handle it. This semester really ran me down work wise...there are certain distractions from my school/work/money woes...mostly people. They might or might now know of my perpetual lack of money, but they absolutely do NOT know just how bad it is. In a way I'm a little bit in denial myself. 

It it weren't for the nice people in my life this sort of thing could totally do a number on me. I keep telling myself I'm still ok...that thinks will be fine. I have friends, a roof over my head, a nice lad i like very much, and ample access to reading material. There's so much I want to do in my life, nothing crazy, quirky, but simple. However all of that takes money, not a lot...but some. I'm not sure what to do, except continue to worry in silence and try to dig myself out of this hole and hope that nice people coming to collect will continue being patient with me as I trickle in my minimal paychecks. 

Funny thing is I'm not unhappy. Worried? Yes. Anxious? Yes. Unhappy? No. Once again, the people around me are wonderous! I know that it's easy to peg me as the easy to get to know or open book type. Still...there's a lot about me I choose to keep to myself. I'm not sure why, like this money thing. I've mentioned it to some people, not at great detail, but it's those details that pretty much make up the ugly monster I find myself in. Everyday I try hard, I keep telling myself..."it's ok, it'll get better, cling to the good things, it's just money." But as the bad news keeps rolling in (thanks financial aid people), the harder it is to keep that in mind. I'm starting to doubt myself and everything I do, or about me. It's annoying and ugh...well...you know or not. I dunno what I'm saying. Blah.

Josh Groban.

The formula explained.

cracked.com 2011

I love indie music in all it's vague forms, it's a wide genre, but now and again let's just laugh about it because well...now there's a chart involved!

Grand Horizontals...and lines have nothing to do with it.

 See these pictures? Random triad of ladies in history, right? Correct? But that's not the whole kit and kaboodle (speaking of...remember those!? Man, if anything taught me to be anal retentive about my school supplies it was that thing!).Take a good look at these ladies. Expressions, positions, attitude, the way in which the artist chooses to display them to the viewer.  What do they have in common besides the obvious? Them being "ladies" and probably prone to good posture?

 Can't guess? FORGET IT DON'T GUESS! I'm too excited so I'm gonna tell you. They are my newest obsession. As is my natural geekery I tend to get enthralled by the most aloof and off kilter things in humanity or history...usually both. I can feel the beginnings of an exciting totally independent research binge coming on. All of this pro bono, not doing it for a scholastic grade. Just because I love the taboo and er...learning. Snicker if you must.  All of the pictures are of ladies who come from money. That's painfully er...plain. God, I love alliteration...sorry sidebar. So they've got monies, beauty (as was perceived by the era), and most of all a certain je n'est ce quoi? Oui? Oh, mon oui ma petite' fils, ils sont...a more dignified sort of sex workers.

Courtesans!

That's right folks! Don't think of them as hookers, but then don't think of them as "mistresses" they are kinda a whole different breed. History is peppered with these ladies of class and easy morals. I maybe am yet another victim to their enigmatic charm. I dunno...interesting if you really think about it. How did they get into this whole "branding" of themselves and sexuality? Did they like it? How was it to be a female of power in their time? Ok, that perhaps is a bit of a loaded question, buuuuut look at this way during the time these ladies were alive there weren't a lot of options for us gals. It was either nun, baby pooper, nanny, or hooker. When did these women become so keen upon the power of their looks and gender!? 

Lot's of questions. Most importantly of all how they all somehow knew each there. Is there some kinda of underground Courtesan union??? These ladies so far from the very brief skimming I've done, have even served as spies and pioneers in both photography, film, and dance! All I'm saying that it's easy to judge ladies known for how good they give out the poontang, and how much wealthy men are willing to be suckered for it.

I've recently been interested in sex workers through my most recent art era obsession...The Belle Epoque. Love the the fashion and mode of architecture and art style. Well as I was looking at some Belle Epoque French ads, I came across the muse's that inspired the artists. Most of them courtesans, and during this ear they were not only widely known, but sort of socially accepted. I dunno...crazy! Right!?

Still in the very early stages of this new "thing" to prod into. In case you were curious, the first pic is Madame De Pompadour. She was Louis XV (France) main lady at court, note...not wife/queen. She married pretty young and was pretty much on the up on up on french fashion so naturally everyone loved her. Says in the books that she went to some royal masked ball and pretty much seduced the king with her eye balls or something. Three months later she was the official royal mistress to the king and two months later separated from her husband. YOWZZZZA! 

The second picture is of Catherine Walters who was known for being the last Victorian Courtesan and for rocking more than few political figures world's! This includes Napoleon the third, the King Edward VII (England) and some others. It's kinda ironic that in this picture she's the picture of victorian poise. Hey, she also gave the world the riding side saddle! Yep, twas here. Nutty huh. I guess the ladies back then had a hard time looking pretty whilst riding a pony so when Catherine came out riding like this they all went coo coo bananas! It's kinda uncharacteristic for Victorians to be so accepting of someone so overtly sexual...go fig. It's usually the most repressed people that come up with the most innovated and strange way to cope with sexuality...these people also gave us porn on film. Like I said...go fig.

Third picture is of Virginia Oldoini, also known as Countess Di Castiglione. I think her picture is the best, I mean look as how saucy she looks in this. She's just not some lady in some old timey pictures, she's this lolita with the smallest smirk from behind that frame she hides her face. It's a great picture, and I'm sure she knows it. This lady is known for her contributions to photography and was boning the Emperor of France AND was a spy!? Awesome. She was big on entrances and kinda paved the way for photo directors everywhere. Neato!? I think so...more on this topic later.

"Oh baby baby it's a wild world...."

Cat Stevens.

God Damn.

Let's not pretend to not know where this is going...oh wait this is the "internetz," and the gossamer veil of anonymity reigns supreme. Kinda. Thanks to blogs, social media, and compulsive instant gratification we've come to easily gain information on anyone anywhere. Personally, if you're one of my pals well then you know what happens when I start playing Cat Stevens on a loop. If not a pal, one google, or poking about in the facespace you'd know exactly what I'm talking about. However, if you're like me and happen to put limitations on socially acceptable internet stalking you have no idea what I'm talking about. If so...that's just grand. Swell. Gives me a reason to continue to write this silly little blog.


On the topic of Cat Stevens...it's a tall tale sign that I'm pining away for the people I love the most, they also happen to double as the people who I happen to deem as the most annoying. It's funny sort of cosmic biological joke, that the people that you love the most, parents, siblings, grandparents, whatever...these blood relations are so intricately woven into the makeup of your heart of hearts that it's impossible to not find them annoying. Get it? No? It's that whole idea of loving someone so much you find them annoying and having to live with one's parents for X amount of years well...it's easy to see how you , them, us...we're annoying. But you still love them. You still miss them and all those banal domestic eccentricities.

I miss it...I miss them.

I miss the sound of my Mother running in circles (literally) at an ungodly hour and her passive aggressive way of getting us up in the morning. She bangs pantry doors shut, whistles, doesn't turn on stove all the way so the stove does that blood curdling ticking sound so the gas is the only thing coming out, and then walks away to talk wayyyyyyyyy to loudly on the phone at 7 am! I miss it.

I miss my Dad's paranoia. I do. I miss the look of utter suspicion and indignity he give my brother and I when ever he catches us speaking English. He assumes that whenever it looks like we're having a deep conversation, IT HAS TO BE ABOUT HIM. NEGATIVELY ABOUT HIM! It's not. But he thinks so. I miss that craziness. 

I miss my Brother's know it all attitude. He's 18...he has no idea. I like watching him figure it all out and getting it all wrong. I miss that. Even his gross "mustache."

I miss my Grandmother's sly way to giving me a "jesus" talk. She fears me too progressive and masculine that my soul just may be in jeopardy! It's not. My soul is fine. Although, I love her for being so worried for it.

I'm the independent sort. It's not like I don't miss them when it's not the holiday season, it's just my absence from them is more apparent during this time of year. I won't be able to go home this Christmas or New Years. In fact this is the first time I'm away for such major holiday's. I know...in a functional family such a situation would be terrible, but not as depressing. I come from a classically dysfunctional Hispanic family... as crazy as we all are we're a tightly knit group of crazy.

A few weeks ago I got off the Harvard stop in Cambridge. As I made my way up the escalator to be at street level to meet a someone at Urban..I passed this little Chinese looking lady playing/singing "Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano.  This is going to read as terribly cheesy (as if it wasn't already), but fuck...I teared up. That's my favorite Christmas song. It just hit me all at once. No Rosca de Reyes. No aunts and uncles prodding me for information that really is none of their business. No cousins to get incredibly drunk with as we try to pay attention to our mothers recite something that mimics cult like chanting at the feet of one of family members JUMBO sized nativity scene. No kissing a plastic baby  jesus at midnight. No getting yelled at that doing do is like praising a false idol and hence a BIG TIME sin against their suddenly sprung  Catholicism. No wayy to much fun, churros, tamales, bunelos, queso fresco, rosca, frijoles de la hoya, salsa casera, tequila with tio pancho, no fixin' white russian's for the older ladies of the family, no...nothing.

Sigh. So I'm listening to Cat Stevens. It reminds me a lot of my Dad...and then it just snowballs. I'm not helping myself, I know.  Also, UM, soooo not funny whoever is pulling the strings of life! I've noticed this really strange pattern of having the charlie brown christmas song playing whenever I'm tired at work or when I get bad news of some sort. No really...it's been happening. Repeatedly.

It's silly to feel this way about a holiday...I know. I just love Christmas and my family. It's time like these I realize I haven't really grown up at all. It's gonna be rough Friday to Saturday. I think I've done a good job at hiding just how terribly I feel for not being present for the celebrations at home. I think? Maybe? Meh.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

....yep...just think about this and try not to laugh.

Flicking Your Switch! EVERYBODY DO THE ROBOT!

"923 816, is the sound of that flicking your switch..."

-Ladytron

So there's been this subtle theme throughout my life this past week. It's sort of strange how sometimes undeniably so there are patterns or fleeting threads of randomness in our lives. Sometimes we pick up on it, other times not so much. I'm usually oblivious when it comes to other people and their patterns, but I'm pretty keen on internalization and can tell when a particular pattern is developing within my own weird little world.

I'm getting to a point...promise. This past week, even up to the latest moments of me rambling on this my humble blog...the pattern continues. Robots. Robots abound.

Sound crazy? Probably, but hey I don't know why they have been popping in and out of my life as of late. I turn on my itunes to the Dj option. First song it plays is the monotone electronic infused voices of Ladytron. The song, "Flicking your switch." Then I fall asleep yesterday to the sweet sweet come sterile on's of "Gigolo Joe."

Jude Law as "Gigolo Joe," aka....SEX ROBOT!

                                                


Now as I'm all for the invention of sex robots, that's not my point here. He's just an aspect of the bigger theme. So the count thus far becomes 2 robotic renderings that have have popped up this week. The next....KEVIN! FROM SAVED BY THE BELL!

    "Kevin" Screech's robot on Saved by the Bell!

                                   
On Friday early morning before going into work I turn on the t.v. and Saved by the Bell comes on. My love for the mousse laden teen sitcom pretty much tracker beamed me into watching it. It was the episode where the gang forgets, but ultimately celebrates Screech's birthday in Belding's office. Anyway, in that episode we are introduced to the short lived but much loved (BY ME!) character Kevin. Screech's robot/friend. Um....if there is a way for me to have a robot pal I'd like to hear it VERY MUCH! Kevin was awesome, he could crack jokes, had excellent timing, and told time! It's was like having a blackberry and your best friend all rolled into one!  So that's robot number 3 that's cropped up in my life.

Number 4 on the list is.....

"Johnny 5" From the movie Short Circuit

 

So that very Friday I get into this conversation with one of my co-workers about Kevin and how cool it is and then he brings up...JOHNNY 5! J-Cinco as I like to call him is from the movie Short Circuit about this military robot that get's struck by lighting and has this massive transformation for the better! Many touching hi-jinks ensue, I suggest you watch it if you haven't. So on that note I come to my 5th robot reference!

"WALL-E" from er...Wall-e

 

 

Wall-e. I was walking to the T on my way from Cambridge back home before work on Saturday morning and I walked past this little girl pretty much chanting, "WALL-E WALL-E WALL-E WALL-E!" Another cinematic robot reference. Then I realized that Wall-e looks a lot like Johnny 5, long lost brother's maybe? Perhaps. I think the movie Wall-e has been the only movie besides "Simon Birch" that has blatantly made me cry. God-damned robot's in love...just warms the heart ya know? So that's it...robots. Not sure if this is a higher cosmic sign for something, but what I do know is that I've noticed the signs. Robots. Lot's of them. Random.

I do wish these lovely t.v./movie robot's would exist. That would be pretty neat....Gigolo Joe I'm looking in your direction! I keed I keed!

The End.