Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect 200 Dollars....

See the broken piggy bank? This is the current state of my finances...although I actually think the change around the piggy bank amount to waaaaay more than I have in my bank account. I'm not the sort to place to much stock in money. 

I know I'll never be rich and I'm ok with that, I mean I want to be an elementary school teacher....I'll never make a lot. I'm not sure I'd want to be rich. I'm perfectly content earning enough to keep myself in the lovely middle class. A roof over my head, food, and some creature comforts. I've never been any good at managing my money. Obviously. This is why I'm currently...sigh...broke. I'm keeping it together fairly well I think. However, to be utterly honest my usual "let's look at the bright side" attitude is starting to wan.  I don't like to comment on how bad it's getting because it's all my fault. That and I don't want to worry anyone. In addition, it's a little embarrassing.  Why mention it on here? Well the beauty of having a blog is that everyone and their Mom has a blog. Which in a way provides a certain blanket of invisibility (heh, HP reference). No one reads blogs unless it's mention on MTV, or some other popular media. There's a certain freedom, an allowance in admitting the source of my current anxiety via blog. Maybe this is why I can't sleep...I'm always working to making nothing. I'm behind important payments. An option is to take on a third job, the idea makes me a little emotionally uneasy. I'm not sure I could handle it. This semester really ran me down work wise...there are certain distractions from my school/work/money woes...mostly people. They might or might now know of my perpetual lack of money, but they absolutely do NOT know just how bad it is. In a way I'm a little bit in denial myself. 

It it weren't for the nice people in my life this sort of thing could totally do a number on me. I keep telling myself I'm still ok...that thinks will be fine. I have friends, a roof over my head, a nice lad i like very much, and ample access to reading material. There's so much I want to do in my life, nothing crazy, quirky, but simple. However all of that takes money, not a lot...but some. I'm not sure what to do, except continue to worry in silence and try to dig myself out of this hole and hope that nice people coming to collect will continue being patient with me as I trickle in my minimal paychecks. 

Funny thing is I'm not unhappy. Worried? Yes. Anxious? Yes. Unhappy? No. Once again, the people around me are wonderous! I know that it's easy to peg me as the easy to get to know or open book type. Still...there's a lot about me I choose to keep to myself. I'm not sure why, like this money thing. I've mentioned it to some people, not at great detail, but it's those details that pretty much make up the ugly monster I find myself in. Everyday I try hard, I keep telling myself..."it's ok, it'll get better, cling to the good things, it's just money." But as the bad news keeps rolling in (thanks financial aid people), the harder it is to keep that in mind. I'm starting to doubt myself and everything I do, or about me. It's annoying and ugh...well...you know or not. I dunno what I'm saying. Blah.

Josh Groban.

The formula explained.

cracked.com 2011

I love indie music in all it's vague forms, it's a wide genre, but now and again let's just laugh about it because well...now there's a chart involved!

Grand Horizontals...and lines have nothing to do with it.

 See these pictures? Random triad of ladies in history, right? Correct? But that's not the whole kit and kaboodle (speaking of...remember those!? Man, if anything taught me to be anal retentive about my school supplies it was that thing!).Take a good look at these ladies. Expressions, positions, attitude, the way in which the artist chooses to display them to the viewer.  What do they have in common besides the obvious? Them being "ladies" and probably prone to good posture?

 Can't guess? FORGET IT DON'T GUESS! I'm too excited so I'm gonna tell you. They are my newest obsession. As is my natural geekery I tend to get enthralled by the most aloof and off kilter things in humanity or history...usually both. I can feel the beginnings of an exciting totally independent research binge coming on. All of this pro bono, not doing it for a scholastic grade. Just because I love the taboo and er...learning. Snicker if you must.  All of the pictures are of ladies who come from money. That's painfully er...plain. God, I love alliteration...sorry sidebar. So they've got monies, beauty (as was perceived by the era), and most of all a certain je n'est ce quoi? Oui? Oh, mon oui ma petite' fils, ils sont...a more dignified sort of sex workers.

Courtesans!

That's right folks! Don't think of them as hookers, but then don't think of them as "mistresses" they are kinda a whole different breed. History is peppered with these ladies of class and easy morals. I maybe am yet another victim to their enigmatic charm. I dunno...interesting if you really think about it. How did they get into this whole "branding" of themselves and sexuality? Did they like it? How was it to be a female of power in their time? Ok, that perhaps is a bit of a loaded question, buuuuut look at this way during the time these ladies were alive there weren't a lot of options for us gals. It was either nun, baby pooper, nanny, or hooker. When did these women become so keen upon the power of their looks and gender!? 

Lot's of questions. Most importantly of all how they all somehow knew each there. Is there some kinda of underground Courtesan union??? These ladies so far from the very brief skimming I've done, have even served as spies and pioneers in both photography, film, and dance! All I'm saying that it's easy to judge ladies known for how good they give out the poontang, and how much wealthy men are willing to be suckered for it.

I've recently been interested in sex workers through my most recent art era obsession...The Belle Epoque. Love the the fashion and mode of architecture and art style. Well as I was looking at some Belle Epoque French ads, I came across the muse's that inspired the artists. Most of them courtesans, and during this ear they were not only widely known, but sort of socially accepted. I dunno...crazy! Right!?

Still in the very early stages of this new "thing" to prod into. In case you were curious, the first pic is Madame De Pompadour. She was Louis XV (France) main lady at court, note...not wife/queen. She married pretty young and was pretty much on the up on up on french fashion so naturally everyone loved her. Says in the books that she went to some royal masked ball and pretty much seduced the king with her eye balls or something. Three months later she was the official royal mistress to the king and two months later separated from her husband. YOWZZZZA! 

The second picture is of Catherine Walters who was known for being the last Victorian Courtesan and for rocking more than few political figures world's! This includes Napoleon the third, the King Edward VII (England) and some others. It's kinda ironic that in this picture she's the picture of victorian poise. Hey, she also gave the world the riding side saddle! Yep, twas here. Nutty huh. I guess the ladies back then had a hard time looking pretty whilst riding a pony so when Catherine came out riding like this they all went coo coo bananas! It's kinda uncharacteristic for Victorians to be so accepting of someone so overtly sexual...go fig. It's usually the most repressed people that come up with the most innovated and strange way to cope with sexuality...these people also gave us porn on film. Like I said...go fig.

Third picture is of Virginia Oldoini, also known as Countess Di Castiglione. I think her picture is the best, I mean look as how saucy she looks in this. She's just not some lady in some old timey pictures, she's this lolita with the smallest smirk from behind that frame she hides her face. It's a great picture, and I'm sure she knows it. This lady is known for her contributions to photography and was boning the Emperor of France AND was a spy!? Awesome. She was big on entrances and kinda paved the way for photo directors everywhere. Neato!? I think so...more on this topic later.